Nothing to prove

I deal with a lot of insecurities as a twenty-something-sensitive-female. A perfect combo for frequent attacks of insecurities, I guess. This season has been trying for me. It’s only tonight that I realized the theme of what God is teaching me…

Nothing to prove + Nothing to lose.

If I am secure in who I am, there’s nothing much to prove. I won’t try to behave in such a way to prove that I’m smarter, funnier, louder, better, etc than the rest. I will be comfortable with myself. I will not seek to earn human’s approval.

Recently, I find myself getting more self-conscious and thus judging my every move and word. Ah..perhaps the more I judge people, the more I will judge myself. Shucks..I thought I’ve turned for the better, i.e. being less judgmental? But perhaps, the survival instinct in me arose once again as I was repeatedly thrown into unfamiliar groups of not-so-like-minded-people (environments).

With my sensitive antenna to sense the vibes from different people, I subconsciously tried to act and speak in a way to prove myself, that is not me. Slowly, I acted in ways not myself..and hence made myself the awkward kid around.

Argh..I need to learn to be comfortable in my skin. But to embrace myself for who I am is a hard thing to do.

Ah..somehow this ‘confession’ is like opening a can of worms. No stopping to it…

I need to fight these thoughts of insecurities. I need to stop listening to lies about myself. I need to love myself. For all these, I need the grace of God.

+ God gave me talents and gifts. || Lord, help me to discover and be a good steward of them.

+ God made me and gave me a destiny according to His wonderful plan. || Lord, not my will, but Your will be done.

(to be continued..)

the new style of preaching || Spoken Word

Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus

Love

Odd Thomas – The Incarnation (Christmas Story)

Spiritual hunger; the way we eat (vol.2)

Following the previous post, you decided to start feasting on spiritual food to increase your appetite for God. But how are you doing so?

Eating on the go is so different from…
..sitting down and enjoying the food.

Spending time with the lover while doing other things is so different from..
..spending time solely dedicated for the lover while fixing our gaze on him/Him.

Even Jesus wants to spend an intimate time with God every day. Jesus having such a close relationship with God, continues to hunger for God.

“Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.” — Mark 1:35

Christina Siew is the author of the book, ‘Love, Pinkie >.<’ (www.lovepinkie.com)

Spiritual Hunger (vol.1)

Can SPIRITUAL hunger be taught? Can NATURAL hunger be taught?

However, the spiritual is not first, but the natural, and afterward the spiritual. — 1Cor15:46

Think natural, then spiritual. The understanding will be easier.

As with the natural, I don’t think spiritual hunger can be “manufactured” in us by another man..unless we have that natural desire or hunger for this hunger. People can’t teach us to be hungry..but they can remind us to eat. They can ask us to eat even when we don’t feel like eating, or perhaps, force us to eat.

The more we eat, the more our stomach expands. This means an increased appetite to make us crave for more food. Similarly, the more we feed ourselves with spiritual food (bread of God) , the more we hunger for God and our appetite for Him increase.

Even though that natural hunger is a grace from God, we need to continually feed ourselves to expand our spiritual stomach. Perhaps, some people can really teach us how to make ourselves hungry, but that hunger will soon be gone if we don’t feed ourselves.

*Beware of busyness and junk food!

We are so busy that we become so tired. We don’t even have the energy to eat. We decided to skip meals. We decided not to schedule meal times. And then like a cycle, we become increasingly malnourished and in turn get more tired easily.

We replace spiritual food with junk food. We start feeding on junk food like facebook, video games, drama serials, etc. With most of our time spent on junk food, we don’t have much time left to feed on the spiritual food. The more defining reason is that we are simply not that spiritually hungry after all those snacking. Snacking is okay, but if it replaces the main meal….uh-oh?

Even if you don’t feel hungry today, the step to have a few nibbles is good to kick-start your spiritual appetite!  =) +

Christina Siew is the author of ‘Love, Pinkie >.<’ (www.lovepinkie.com)

www.christinasiew.com

If you still do not know, I’m the author of a published book, ‘Love, Pinkie >.<’. =P And all authors, or rather, most authors have a website dedicated to themselves, using their names as the domain name. A space to promote themselves and their books. But I’m not a sanguine/extrovert by nature, and thus I’ve been focusing the spotlight on my book instead of myself…(so a www.lovepinkie.com instead). >.<

After a long procrastination, I decided to do what an author should do, emerge from the hermit crab shell to blow the trumpets and hit those drums to draw attention at www.christinasiew.com.

Some of my recent blog writings have been rather spiritual, an evolution from the past where I wrote about the day2day details of my mundane life.
Evolution: Outside > In.

In any case, I hope to bless and inspire those who read this blog of feelings, thoughts, observations and experiences. Yet, I don’t know how this blog will turn out in the end — personal, spiritual, thoughtful or something else. Well, that’s the beauty of life ain’t it? Sweet surprises to take your breathe away. I hope this humble little blog does that to you too. =)

Love,
Christina

WordPress will continue to run as a mirror site of the blog @ christinasiew.com

breaking thru’ into 2012 +

It’s the time of the year again. Time to reflect, give thanks, make resolutions and move into the new year with hope, courage and strength. If I look back 2011 without a heart of thanksgiving, it’s so easy for the result-oriented me to get grumpy and complain to and of God. An ungrateful soul, indeed.

But I did feel like I was in a pressure cooker in 2011.

Rephrased part of Danny Silk’s sermon, Master of Breakthrough, preached at Bethel Church:

For the water to break through a water balloon, a dam, or whatever it is, there has to be pressure behind it first. Pressure mounts on one side to break through. Then…

water GUSHES out.

We prayed hard for breakthroughs. And when we finally break through, we go ‘uh-oh’. It’s a whole new world. For e.g., a handicap who finally got his prayer answered and healing from God. He is now able to stand. But he is now thrust into a  new set of challenges of a walking adult.

That’s why we are preparing under the pressure now to have the capacity to survive on the other side of the break through.

But as Danny Silk said, sometimes it’s the pressure that leads you to a breakthrough. And perhaps, the more I pray for a breakthrough, the more pressure I will go under, because greater pressure means the faster I will get pushed into a breakthrough.

Nevertheless, there were many moments in 2011 that made my heart grew cold. I wanted to give up on whatever I am doing & give up on God. But His grace of encouragement pushes me through. A small step forward at a time. Looking back at the year, these small moments of discouragement seemed so fleeting and insignificant. How more will they be in the timeline of eternity.

So now I come prostrate before God, lifting my hands to praise and thank God for the many wonderful things that happened in 2011, albeit a crazy ride of emotional rollercoaster. So the list goes: Thank God for…

The special person He brought into my life. My family and friends by my side. The sale of “Love, Pinkie >.<” merchandises, book and its distribution to major bookstores. The connections I made and accommodation provided during my trip to HongKong. The precious but hard experiential lessons of patience, humility, finances and focusing on Him instead of circumstances. The hours I could spend with God, my growing understanding of and relationship with Him. Etc…

Like the ‘Footprints’ story, I look back at 2011 and see how God has been with me all along. That He was by my side all the while, gently guiding my path even if I failed to see it sometimes.

 2011: “I am with you”, says the Lord. (Hag 1:13 part)

Now as I look and move forward, 2012 will be a greater year!
A year of greater reliance on God and riding on His glory.

Don’t we all have THAT sin?

Don’t we all have THAT sin? That sin which makes us feel like hypocrite Christians? That sin kept in the secret closet, or that sin everybody knows about. The first time was filled with remorse. Subsequently, the conscience in us became immune to our sinful acts. First kill is hard, but it gets easier. Likewise, we keep turning back to our old ways and sin. What?!?

“No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” 1 Cor 10:13

God knows my threshold, but why did He allow this sin to tempt me? I can’t bear with this sin. I have sinned again and again. I’m not worthy of His calling. I’m not worthy to stand before His throne at the end of time. I’ve disappointed God. The snap of the heart made me condemn myself. In the face of sin, I feel naked and thus shameful of myself. It’s so easy for me to run away and hide from God… like Adam and Eve.

“..they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.. and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden.” Genesis 3:7-8 (part)

But isn’t running away from God supposedly the last thing, or the thing we should never do? He knew it even before we started sinning. So what’s the point to hide? And shouldn’t we be going to God, the only help to our situation?

But ….

Why do I still feel so defeated? I’m relying only on my feeble human strength to be good.
Where is the way out He promised us? Jesus.
Where is the victory from sin? Jesus’ resurrection.

“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” Romans 3:23-24

Ah.. isn’t  this what I learned when I became a new believer? Because of God’s holiness, every sin, no matter how small it may seem in our eyes, is filthy to Him. Thus, nobody can stand blameless before God on judgement day. But those who call upon the name of Jesus are now made pure by Jesus’ death and resurrection, including me! =)

Of course, that doesn’t give me the free rein to sin like nobody’s business. Sin will do nobody good but harm to myself.

It’s a warfare. I confess and repent. But it’s not a zap, I wouldn’t be tempted by that sin again. It’s a process. Yes, I might fall again, but with my deliberate intention to turn away, the times I sin will become fewer. And hopefully, that sin will be purged out from my system soon enough, for good.

Ah…God’s grace and my feeble human will.

The more I know of God’s holiness, the more I detest the sins in my life. At least this helps me to stop indulging in ways displeasing God.

All of us sin, but what do you do next?

“And Jesus said to her, “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.” ” John 8:11b

Christmas – - a ray of hope in darkness

Christmas, supposedly a day of happiness. Smile, laugh and be merry, they say. For it’s a day to remember and celebrate Jesus coming down to earth. But even with wide smiles and merry jingles during Christmas service, I find myself not feeling happy at all.

What’s there to be?
In that moment: A bad morning. In this season: A dark tunnel.

I tried to change my perspective, I tried. But my emotions were overpowering. The weight that hung on my heart was not easily lifted up, at least not by my own strength. God knew my downcast heart and in the middle of the worship session, He gave me a wonderful perspective.

Jesus came as a light, piercing through the darkness.
Jesus came as a hope to this broken world.

Without knowing that I’m in the dark, I would never how much I needed the light.
Without traveling in the dark, I would never have that desperate need for hope.

My journey made me realized how lost and messed up I would be without Jesus and how precious is that hope I find in Jesus.

No euphoria. No jumping on my feet.
Just a quiet sense of joy and thankfulness.

Thank You, God. Thank You, Jesus.

Praying for one another & the nation

There’s no musician again. This is the second time ever, and twice I was there. >.< However, I felt the atmosphere was different from the last meeting when we had no musician. Instead of music tunes bubbling from within the heart or the group to sing aCapella worship songs, it was a sense of quietness. Being still in the presence of the Lord and just pray.

*Is God teaching us to pray without being led by music & thus emotions, but to hear His voice in the quietness?

Anyhow, I felt the theme of our prayers was — God’s glory and grace; until halfway through, Robin decided to pray and prophesied over each one of us. A few of us in turn got the honor to pray for him as well.

What’s new for me is that, as Robin prayed for the individuals, I got a word/picture for them. I “saw” flowers, leopard, deep tree roots, etc.. Not literally, but something I felt in my heart. *An experential lesson from God, perhaps. Why? It’s because recently I am more exposed to people of the prophetic nature and sometimes do wonder, what it is like to “see” the things they pray about. Do they really see pictures in front of them? If not, how could they describe the pictures/visions with such vivid details.

As I “saw” those images, I didn’t immediately intercept him for fear of disrupting his prayer flow. Well, it’s not like I get visions for others. During the debrief, I had to trust what I felt/saw was from God and thus speak in faith over them. Amazingly, I can remember the word/picture for everyone, given my poor memory. Ultimately, whether what I said spoke to them or not, whether it’s true for them or not, the other party has to pray over it and test it out. At the end of the day, there’s a need for a dose of faith and discernment

There were many other interesting things shared during the debrief.

Robin was sharing how when we were praying over Singapore, he saw two bowls. The first bowl was filled with God’s glory and cloud. It represented the revival that God is going to pour out according to the intercession of the saints. The other bowl was found to be empty. It represented the segments in the Body of Christ that have been found wanting in prayer and watching before the Lord. Indeed the Lord is calling us to watch and pray.

Then, one person shared that he had a vision of MRT stations in the city being flooded. And another jumped in to share that he and his friends noticed huge and thick flood doors at CityLink, near the Esplanade entrance, to prevent flooding. The government has anticipated what’s to come. But because of the doors’ size and weight, they will need some time before they are fully closed to keep out the waters. I have heard about so many people speaking about the great revival that is to come again to Singapore, that kind of made me forget that God can still judge Singapore.

Their conclusion: Intercede for Singapore.

♥ Christina Siew

My original post is at thehouseprays.wordpress.com/2011/12/20/praying-for-one-another-the-nation/

rejected and alone. +

After a conversation I had on Friday, I reflected and asked myself this question,
“If we are all made in God’s image, why are some more well liked than others?”

Today during the church’s worship today, the answer came to me.

Jesus was rejected too..by the people He made in His image.

Before I typed this post, part of the song lyrics of “Above All” came to mind: rejected and alone.
So I went to google and found a video of the song sang by a little girl! what a child-like faith. =)

*Crucified.. laid behind the stone
You lived to die.. rejected and alone
Like a Rose.. trampled on the ground
You took the fall.. and thought of me
Above all*

I read the following excerpt from Tim Keller’s book “The Reason For God” and was deeply impacted. It highlighted the great work Jesus done on the cross..and how lightly I have viewed it in the past. Jesus had to undergo such unfathomably painful separation from God..the one Jesus enjoys a relationship with, even before the beginning of man.

“There may be no greater inner agony than the loss of a relationship that we desperately want. If a mild acquaintance turns on you, condemns and criticizes you, and says she never wants to see you again, it is painful. If someone you’re dating does the same thing, it is qualitatively more painful…

We cannot fathom, however, what it would be like to lose not just spousal love or parental love that has lasted several years, but the infinite love of the Father that Jesus had from all eternity. Jesus’s sufferings would have been eternally unbearable. Christian theology has always recognized that Jesus bore, as the substitute in our place, the endless exclusion from God that the human race has merited.

In the Garden of Gethsemane, even the beginning and foretaste of this experience began to put Jesus into a state of shock.  New Testament scholar, Bill Lane writes: “Jesus came to be with the Father for an interlude before his betrayal, but found hell rather than heaven opened before him and he staggered.”  On the cross, Jesus’ cry of dereliction – “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” – is a deeply relational statement.  Lane writes: “The cry has a ruthless authenticity…Jesus did not die renouncing God.  Even in the inferno of abandonment he did not surrender his faith in God but expressed his anguished prayer in a cry of affirmation. “My God, my God.’” Jesus  still uses the language of intimacy – “my God” – even as he experiences infinite separation from the Father.”

“From noon until three in the afternoon darkness came over all the land. About three in the afternoon Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eli, Eli,lema sabachthani?” (which means “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”).” — Matthew 27:45–46

I’m reading Timothy Keller’s book – ‘The Reason For God’. A really good book! A book highly recommended for skeptics and serious spiritual seekers. But you really must be a thinker to read this. Sometimes I need to re-read certain paragraphs to fully absorb them. x_x

An excerpt from his book:

“Every human community holds in common some beliefs that necessarily create boundaries, including some people and excluding others from its circle.

Consider an illustration.  Imagine that one of the board members of the local Gay, Lesbian, and Transgender Community Center announces, ‘I’ve had a religious experience and now I believe homosexuality is a sin.’  As the weeks go by, he persists in making that assertion. Next, imagine that a board member of the Alliance Against Same-Sex Marriage announces, ‘I discovered that my son is gay and I think he has the right to marry his partner.’

No matter how personally gracious and flexible the members of each group are, the day will come when each group will have to say, ‘You must step off the board because you don’t share a common commitment with us.’ The first of these communities has the reputation for being inclusive and the second for being exclusive, but, in practice, both of them operate in almost the very same way.  Each is based on common beliefs that act as boundaries, including some and excluding others.  Neither community is being ‘narrow’ – they are just being communities.“

Pray // 2

[ a real late post..about a prayer meeting in October ]

There’s a time to pray in the secret place..spending some intimate time with God.
There’s also a time to pray in a corporate setting..witnessing how God works.

Last Tuesday, Robin said, “No matter what, the prayer meeting has to go on. Even if there is no musician.”
Come this Tuesday, Robin prayed before the meeting for an increase in the number of musicians.
Well, God stunned us. There was not one musician available!
It turned out to be a better plan.
It became a meeting where we sang acapella. Worshiping God with our voices, the instrument He gave us.

~ Then came wonderful lessons from God.~

I was prompted by God to pray for Girl-A. But I was reluctant..since this is a corporate prayer, it seemed weird to pray a personal prayer at this point. Then, the tune of the song Amazing Grace came to my heart. I thought to myself, “Ok, if someone sings Amazing Grace, I will take it as a cue from God to pray for Girl-A.”

No one. My tone deaf talent is not helping as well. It created a barrier for me to begin singing this song in my heart. But the nudge to pray for her came so strong that in the end…I prayed for Girl-A. And after I finished praying, Girl-B sang the song Amazing Grace!

o.O Woah!

In the later part of the prayer session, Robin also sang Amazing Grace, but another stanza.

o.O Woah!

I shared how it was so amazing that Girl-B sang straight after my prayer. And Girl-B and Robin both shared that they have the tune in their hearts, but for various reasons – one of which being cos singing this song felt so cliche, they didn’t. Hence, Girl-B needed a cue: the words – amazing grace. When she heard these words in my prayer, she sang. Robin hearing the singing from Girl-B, got another push to sing. And from which, he shared something that spoke to Girl-A.

2 lessons.

1. God might ask us to do something for someone that might not directly bless him/her. But because of our obedience, a chain reaction might happen to bless that someone. (my prayer didn’t exactly speak to Girl-A, but because of what I did, she got blessed through another person.)

2. We have lots of fears in us. We are restricted by our self-consciousness and what people think of us. (our own doubts stopped us from singing Amazing Grace..the song God placed in our hearts)

Pray it up! *

Carry a stone for Me.

“One day Jesus said to his disciples: “I’d like you to carry a stone for Me.”

He didn’t give any explanation. So the disciples looked around for a stone to carry, and Peter, being the practical sort, sought out the smallest stone he could possibly find. After all, Jesus dind’t give any regulations for weight and size! So he put it in his pocket. Jesus then said: “Follow Me.” He led them on a journey. About noontime Jesus had everyone sit down. He waved his hands and all the stones turned to bread. He said: “Now it’s time for lunch.” In a few seconds, Peter’s lunch was over.

When lunch was done Jesus told them to stand up. He said again: “I’d like you to carry a stone for Me.”

This time Peter said: “Aha! Now I get it!” So he looked around and saw a small boulder. He hosted it on his back, and it was painful, it made him stagger. But he said: “I can’t wait for supper!” Jesus then said: “Follow me!” He led them on a journey, with Peter barely being able to keep up. Around supper time Jesus led them to the side of a river. He said: “Now everyone throw your stones into the water.” They did. Then he said: “Follow me,” and began to walk. Peter and the others looked at him dumbfounded. Jesus sighed and said: “Don’t you remember what I asked you do to? Who were you carrying the stone for?”"

(Elisabeth Elliot, These Strange Ashes, Harper and Row, 1975, p. 132.)

Nothing is something

Someone who did not know me prayed that my spring is here.. after a long, long winter. She knew about the winter in my life! Then, what she prayed about me should be true. I waited with anticipation. Waited for the first touch of warmth. First bloom of the field.

I waited..and waited.

Yet..the sky grew darker and darker. Then as if a hurricane had swept past, places were being emptied and everything became so chaotic. Lifeless city. Dead town.

What?! God…this wasn’t the spring I was expecting, even though I must thank God that I found my love in the midst of the storm, a companion to walk alongside with me. =) God knew I needed a sweetener to make this journey more bearable. Lol.

I was brought to the ends of myself. I tried everything but nothing worked — no doors opened, no favors granted. Thus the following verse became THE verse for my season now. The verse to hang on to and live by.

^“And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” — 2 Cor 12:9

Then, I came across an article which cast light on my situation. God had to empty and break me to bring me to a point of nothingness. Here’s an excerpt from the article,

God has no difficulty at all creating something out of nothing. The only obstacle He faces is when the nothing doesn’t know it is nothing but instead thinks it’s something. At that point, God has to break it back down to nothing before it is good for anything.

“If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself” (Gal. 6:3)

…if we think we are something so that we look down on others or are wise in our own eyes, we deceive ourselves! If we categorically know we are nothing without God, and we simultaneously recognize whatever grace He has worked in us is so we can bless others, then there is no limit to how much God can use us.

(this paragraph spoke a lot to me!) You see, God is not offended by chaos. There will be times when, like the precreation universe, you discover your life seems “formless and void.” Do not be overly concerned. When you discover there is chaos in the deepest part of you, do not fret. You are at a new beginning. It has taken the Lord quite a long time to help you to recognize your nothingness.

“He must increase, but I must decrease” (John 3:30)

God gives life to the dead. Do you sometimes feel dead? Good. You’re qualified to get God’s life! Look to God. Trust Him as your Creator. Do not fear when you discover you are nothing. There is a time when becoming nothing is an improvement.

Next wave..New wineskin.

11.11.11

A special date.

World’s ending? God’s glory descending? Major shaking in the spiritual, emotional, physical and financial realms?

Whatever it is, I wanted to join a prayer group to pray on 11.11.11 in Hong Kong. But alas, to no avail. I don’t even know why I am going to HK in the first place. Why God? I began to be frustrated….frustrated at doors being closed one after another. Frustrated at not knowing where I can sleep and pray. Lord..is it You or my own desires leading me to HK ?

Then I stumbled upon an article. There came a small ‘ah-ha’, peace, or ‘Oh…’ moment.

Outside of church.

Perhaps I was just praying according to my plan while God has other plans and thus not answering my prayers. His thoughts and ways are greater than mine… all the time.

Here’s a few paragraphs from the article,

One of the biggest dangers Christians face is thinking inside the proverbial religious box. When we talk about “a great move of God” or “revival” we often contextualize it inside a church building. We get visions of people coming to a facility, worshipping God, hearing a fiery evangelist and flooding the altar for prayer.

Even when we take it “to the streets” it still looks a lot like it does inside the church walls. We speak to people using the same language and pray for them just like we do in church, except that the setting has changed.

We preach with Bibles in our hands or set up stages and play the same music we sing on Sundays. We bring church outside the walls of the auditorium but continue ministering in the same old wineskin we’ve used for decades.

If people are not interested in experiencing it inside the church, then why do we think they want to experience it outside the church? Trying to invoke a move of God this way does not recognize ways that God is already moving in people’s lives apart from the traditional activities of the church.

This is why it is my belief that we cannot define the next move of God by the last move of God. It is not wise for us, as Christians, to try to recreate past revivals and moves of God. We must have an open mind and look outside our religious box to see where God is going.

I have to admit—most of the time I’m looking outside the walls of the church these days to find the move of God.

Pray // 1

One thing I ask from the LORD, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple. — Psalm 27:4

I’ve been attending a Tuesday Night Prayer meeting at The City Church (“The City“). Robin, who is from the church leads the prayer group faithfully every week. However, this prayer group is not exclusive to The City. Young adults from different churches come together to pray. It’s a small group of us and we only got acquainted with one another recently. So don’t worry about being left out or consumed by crowds. Also, there is no pressure for you to pray. You can simply have a good time soaking in God’s presence with His people. Just pray when you feel God has downloaded something in your heart to share.

It seems so natural to me, the guitar or keyboard playing, singing, praying and reading of the word are all led by the Holy Spirit. No agenda or prayer list, just God’s agenda. But soon I realized that this prayer ‘style’ drips from the new wine and is apparently not acceptable by all. People, regardless of young or old, can still be holding on to the old wineskin. They feel uncomfortable with such ‘style’, thinking it’s aimless with no direction. To them, prayer meeting should be a step by step process with prayer pointers listed.

God illustrated this ‘new wine, old wineskin’ conflict during a particular session. It gave me a ‘ohh..’ moment — so this is the shadow of what is to come – the opposition to God’s new thing. Interestingly, I later got to know that at the same time, in another prayer meeting in Singapore, God spoke to some people with regards to this as well.

To get a rough idea what this prayer ‘style’ I’m talking about, you can visit the webcast of iHop @ http://www.ihop.org/prayerroom. Not totally the same, but similar. =) I’ve got so much more to share about what happened during the last prayer meeting. But I will hold my thoughts for now. So stay tuned for my next post!

Come and minister to God’s heart as He ministers to yours.
Prayer @ every Tuesday, 7.30pm at The City Church ( thecity.sg ), 50 MacPherson Road #06-01.

The Valley of Dry Bones

Ezekiel 37:1-15

^“1 The hand of the LORD came upon me and brought me out in the Spirit of the LORD, and set me down in the midst of the valley; and it was full of bones. ² Then He caused me to pass by them all around, and behold, there were very many in the open valley; and indeed they were very dry. ³ And He said to me, “Son of man, can these bones live?”
So I answered, “O Lord GOD, You know.”
⁴ Again He said to me, “Prophesy to these bones, and say to them, ‘O dry bones, hear the word of the LORD! ⁵ Thus says the Lord GOD to these bones: “Surely I will cause breath to enter into you, and you shall live. ⁶ I will put sinews on you and bring flesh upon you, cover you with skin and put breath in you; and you shall live. Then you shall know that I am the LORD.”’”
⁷ So I prophesied as I was commanded; and as I prophesied, there was a noise, and suddenly a rattling; and the bones came together, bone to bone. ⁸ Indeed, as I looked, the sinews and the flesh came upon them, and the skin covered them over; but there was no breath in them.
⁹ Also He said to me, “Prophesy to the breath, prophesy, son of man, and say to the breath, ‘Thus says the Lord GOD: “Come from the four winds, O breath, and breathe on these slain, that they may live.”’” ¹⁰ So I prophesied as He commanded me, and breath came into them, and they lived, and stood upon their feet, an exceedingly great army.
¹¹ Then He said to me, “Son of man, these bones are the whole house of Israel. They indeed say, ‘Our bones are dry, our hope is lost, and we ourselves are cut off!’ ¹² Therefore prophesy and say to them, ‘Thus says the Lord GOD: “Behold, O My people, I will open your graves and cause you to come up from your graves, and bring you into the land of Israel. ¹³ Then you shall know that I am the LORD, when I have opened your graves, O My people, and brought you up from your graves. ¹⁴ I will put My Spirit in you, and you shall live, and I will place you in your own land. Then you shall know that I, the LORD, have spoken it and performed it,” says the LORD.’”

The breath of God, the Holy Spirit, will fill those dead bodies with life..and out of the dry bones, a great army will arise.
And God’s promises will come to pass..even when bones are dry, hopes are lost.

on dry ground

by David Wilkerson
[May 19, 1931 – April 27, 2011]

Simply put, dry ground is a path. And if you are on it, then you are going somewhere. You are not losing ground or going backward; your dry ground is the Lord’s plan, His work in your life, His miracles to perform. You are moving toward a revelation, a new victory in Christ, toward something greater.

God is telling us, in essence: “I want you to learn to move on in faith—not according to a vision or a voice, but when you are in the midst of a dry spell. I want you to be confident that when you cannot hear My voice or see ahead—when you are on dry ground—I am leading you somewhere.”

The Lord promises that He will turn our dry ground into springs of fresh water:

“When the poor and needy seek water, and there is none, and their tongues fail for thirst, I, the Lord, will hear them. . . . I will open rivers in desolate places, and fountains in the midst of the valleys; I will make the wilderness a pool of water, and the dry land springs of water” (Isaiah 41:17-18).

Dear saint, are you dry? God is telling you, “Soon you will see a harvest. Where there once was dry ground, life will spring up at your feet. And I have created it! Stand still and see what I will do for you on dry ground.”

Failing aspirations

Read the newspaper today and saw a photography contest. I read the caption of the photo that is the pick of the week (photographer is Natasha Salleh, but couldn’t find her photo on the internet)..

“The subject dreams of becoming famous, but she keeps landing herself jobs at bars. From the emptiness of the photo and her jaded expression, you can see that it is eating her up inside. Over time, she drifts further away from her dream and singing at a bar becomes a job she is forced to take up as she does not know what else she can do.”

and the story continues..

It’s been some time since I write my thoughts here. I’ve been busy with random stuffs, mostly on Pinkie (www.lovepinkie.com, yes shamelessly advertising here. =P). And through this journey, I verily confirmed the truth to the following picture.  During these few weeks of absence, nothing much has happened at the looks of me, but much is warring on the inside. What a ride of ups and downs, spiritually and emotionally.

I urge all who are walking through the valley of the shadow of death to walk on..walk on and walk on. God is guiding you through the icy air and under those dark clouds.. even if you don’t feel it. Take 1 small step forward at a time. At least you are moving forward..and not frozen at the same spot.

For these 2+ years of not having a full-time/’proper’ job, I’ve occasionally, or quite often, wonder if I’m a good-for-nothing (exaggeration, but the idea is there) Am I wasting my life away?! But God in His grace preserved me to walk on this journey.

On one recent stormy and house-shaking (literally) night, a fierce spiritual battle happened. Curtains were flapping violently, the ‘fake’ wall behind my bed was shaking furiously. And together with the gushing sound of the rain and howling sound of the wind, fear struck in my heart and sleep was definitely not good.

BUT, the next day and week after that night, God spoke to me through His people. –

past. word of encouragement for my past 2+years,

present. prophetic word of His blessings for whatever I’m doing now,

future. the stirring up of the spiritual gift in me and putting in perspective of what I’m going to do in future, and gearing me up for what’s going to happen.

Things are heating up. Things are getting exciting.. but it also means i need lotsa lotsa prayers.

Please remember me in your prayers..thanks! =)

“To the angel of the church in Philadelphia write:

These are the words of him who is holy and true, who holds the key of David. What he opens no one can shut, and what he shuts no one can open. I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name. I will make those who are of the synagogue of Satan, who claim to be Jews though they are not, but are liars—I will make them come and fall down at your feet and acknowledge that I have loved you. Since you have kept my command to endure patiently, I will also keep you from the hour of trial that is going to come on the whole world to test the inhabitants of the earth…”

Revelation 3:7-10

o’, love story so sweet.

Is love a flimsy thing? For which you divorce because you don’t feel love anymore?

Elderly couples set good examples of how someone can love another till the end.

♥♥

The story is told of an elderly couple who had been married for well over fifty years. Tragically, the wife succumbed to Alzheimer’s disease and needed to be placed in a nursing care facility.

The husband, who loved his wife dearly, visited her daily. He would spend hours talking to her about their life together and their family. He would read her favorite books to her, feed her at mealtimes, take her for walks in the garden, and sit quietly next to her bed while she slept.

All of this did not go un-noticed by the administrative and nursing staff at the facility. One day several administrators and nurses approached the husband and asked if they could speak with him.

The staff members shared how they had observed the husband’s faithful devotion and attendance to his wife and her needs. They complimented him for the tenderness with which he cared for his wife of decades. They expressed great appreciation for the couple’s years of love and marriage and for his sacrificial commitment to his beloved.

They then commented that he still had his health, energy, and  interests. It was suggested that he should begin taking more time for himself and not spend so much time at the facility with his wife. “Sleep in every morning, play golf with your friends, do things that you enjoy.” ”After all,” they continued, “your wife doesn’t know where she is at and she doesn’t even know you are.”

The loving husband replied, “But, I know who she is.”

The Way of the Heart

Read the following from a friend’s blog, how true.

From Henri Nouwen’s The Way of the Heart:

“Compulsive” is indeed the best adjective for the false self. It points to the need for ongoing and increasing affirmation. Who am I? I am the one who is liked, praised, admired, disliked, hated, or despised. Whether I am a pianist, a businessman or a minister, what matters is how I am perceived by my world. If being busy is a good thing, then I must be busy. If having money is a sign of real freedom, then I must claim my money. If knowing many people proves my importance, I will have to make the necessary contacts. The compulsion manifests itself in the lurking fear of failing and the steady urge to prevent this by gathering more of the same — more work, more money, more friends (pp.10-11).

…When my sense of self depends on what others say of me, anger is a quite natural reaction to a critical word. When my sense of self depends on what I can acquire, greed flares up when my desires are frustrated. Thus greed and anger are brother and sister of a false self fabricated by the social compulsions of a redeemed world (p. 11).

Solitude is the furnace of transformation. Without solitude we remain victims of our society and continue to be entangled in the illusions of the false self. Jesus himself entered into this furnace. There he was tempted with the three compulsions of the world: to be relevant (“turn stones into loaves”), to be spectacular (“throw yourself down”), and to be powerful (“I will give you all these kingdoms.”). There he affirmed God as the only source of his identity (“You must worship the Lord your God and serve him alone.”). Solitude is the place of the great struggle and the great encounter — the struggle against the compulsions of the false self, and the encounter with the loving God who offers himself as the substance of the new self (pp. 13-14).

paradox — sacrifice of praise

It’s been some time since I last blogged. Record breaking, my records.

With so many to think about, spiritual & emotional battles to fight, not much energy is left to blog.

The lesson I’m learning now: Sacrifice of praise

“Therefore by Him let us continually offer the sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of our lips, giving thanks to His name.” Hebrews 13:15

It’s easy to praise God during the good times, when everything is going well and you are prospering in every way. But it’s another thing to say God is good when your circumstances is, well,…bad. Or when you are seeking for answers to your problems..but God seems to be silent or nowhere near.

So it’s..

Time to focus on God and not my problems. Time to count my blessings and not curses. Time to remind myself of His promises — that He is with me always and I’m abounding in His love. Time to shout HALLELUJAH even when life seems like shit.

Let my praise to God not be mere words of my mouth, but one from my heart… even when I’m in the valley of dry bones, bones of people that have walked before but gave up. Let me press on, press on with a thankful and grateful heart.

But me, I’m not giving up. I’m sticking around to see what God will do. I’m waiting for God to make things right. I’m counting on God to listen to me.

Don’t, enemy, crow over me. I’m down, but I’m not out. I’m sitting in the dark right now, but God is my light. I can take God’s punishing rage. I deserve it-I sinned. But it’s not forever. He’s on my side and is going to get me out of this. He’ll turn on the lights and show me his ways. I’ll see the whole picture and how right he is. (Micah 7:7-9 MSG)

HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH!

p.s. But amidst all the storms..I especially thank God for one person. =)

multi-player struggles // all in one empathy.

I empathized with..

the burnt-out entrepreneur  //  trying to find hope in the midst of uncertainty and instability.
the struggling artiste  //  hoping to get open doors, a breakthrough.
the lonely housewife  //  getting to be in touch with the world.

I was trying to figure out what inner demons I’m wrestling with, till things start to fall into perspective. Experiencing the downside of different roles all at once is not a sweet experience..but at least I empathized with more people now (other than “9-5″ office peepz).

As I read Paul’s affliction (flogged/physically tortured, imprisonment, shipwrecked, sleep deprived, endured hunger & thirst, to name a few from 2 Corinthians 11:23-28), my so-called ‘sufferings’ seemed so puny, even to the point of my complaints being childish. However, this doesn’t sufficiently negate the overwhelming negative thoughts and feelings within me.

>.<

No matter how poor or rich,
whether you pick crumbs from the streets to eat or savor delicacies in fine dining style,
walk on barefoot or fly a private jet plane,
the world around seems to crumble when you…

lose hope.

And so..

A Christian will part with anything rather than his hope; he knows that hope will keep the heart both from aching and breaking, from fainting and sinking; he knows that hope is a beam of God, a spark of glory, and that nothing shall extinguish it till the soul be filled with glory. – Thomas Brooks

Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.  – 2 Cor 4: 16-18

And yet..hope not in men or ourselves, for we humans falter. Our plans can be whisked away as easy as straw huts in tornadoes. And our time on earth fleets away like a puff of smoke..not knowing when our time is up. Our wisdom and vision is so limited. So simply, hope in the God.

Praise the LORD, my soul.
I will praise the LORD all my life;
I will sing praise to my God as long as I live.
Do not put your trust in princes, in human beings, who cannot save.
When their spirit departs, they return to the ground; on that very day their plans come to nothing.
Blessed are those whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the LORD their God.

Psalm 146:1-5

GREATEST trial was the word of God! o.O

Below is a devotional that spoke right to my heart…especially those emboldened words. Take heart if you have yet to see God’s promises come to pass in your life, God doesn’t lie. And like what I’ve been telling myself..I’m here to encourage those who are unsure if they are walking out God’s will.

God in His grace will continue to guide and direct you to walk along the narrow path even as you fall to the left or right. More importantly, seek Him and His kingdom first. It’s a partnership with Him..a free will on our part to walk in the narrow way..in His will. And only when you desire to walk where He’s leading you, He will then lead you to fulfill the promises He put in your heart. Partnership..not coercion.

A reminder for myself too..

As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. — Isaiah 55:11

+

JOSEPH’S GREATEST TRIAL WAS THE WORD OF GOD!
by David Wilkerson
5 August 2011

“He sent a man before them, even Joseph, who was sold for a servant . . . until the time that his word came: the word of the Lord tried him” (Psalm 105:17, 19). Joseph was tested and tried in many ways but his greatest trial was the word he had received!

Consider everything Joseph endured: At only seventeen, he was stripped down and cast into a pit to starve to death. His cold-hearted brothers laughed at his pleas for mercy and sold him to Ishmaelite traders who took him by caravan to an Egyptian slave market and sold him as a common slave.

Yet Joseph’s greatest trial wasn’t his rejection by his brothers or even the human indignity of being made into a slave or being cast into prison. No—what confused and tried Joseph’s spirit was the clear word he had heard from God!

God had revealed to Joseph through dreams that he would be given great authority that he would use for God’s glory. His brothers would bow before him and he would be a great deliverer of many people.

I do not believe any of this was an ego trip for Joseph. His heart was so set on God that this word gave him a humble sense of destiny: “Lord, you have put your hand on me to have a part in your great, eternal plan.” Joseph was blessed just by knowing he would play an important role in bringing God’s will to pass! But the circumstances in Joseph’s life were just the opposite of what God had put in his heart. He was the servant—he had to bow! How could he believe that he would one day deliver multitudes when he was a slave himself? He must have thought, “This doesn’t make sense. How could God be ordering my steps into prison, into oblivion? God said I was going to be blessed but he didn’t tell me this was going to happen!”

For ten years Joseph faithfully served in Potiphar’s house but in the end he was misjudged and lied about. His victory over temptation with Potiphar’s wife only landed him in jail. During such times he must have pondered the awful questions: “Did I hear correctly? Did my pride invent these dreams? Could my brothers have been right? Maybe all these things are happening to me as discipline for some kind of selfish desire.”

Beloved, there have been times when God has shown me things he has wanted for me—ministry, service, usefulness—yet every circumstance was the very opposite of that word. At such times I thought, “Oh, God, this can’t be you speaking; it must be my flesh,” I was being tried by God’s word to me but God has given us his promises and we can trust them, all of them!