Nothing to prove

I deal with a lot of insecurities as a twenty-something-sensitive-female. A perfect combo for frequent attacks of insecurities, I guess. This season has been trying for me. It’s only tonight that I realized the theme of what God is teaching me…

Nothing to prove + Nothing to lose.

If I am secure in who I am, there’s nothing much to prove. I won’t try to behave in such a way to prove that I’m smarter, funnier, louder, better, etc than the rest. I will be comfortable with myself. I will not seek to earn human’s approval.

Recently, I find myself getting more self-conscious and thus judging my every move and word. Ah..perhaps the more I judge people, the more I will judge myself. Shucks..I thought I’ve turned for the better, i.e. being less judgmental? But perhaps, the survival instinct in me arose once again as I was repeatedly thrown into unfamiliar groups of not-so-like-minded-people (environments).

With my sensitive antenna to sense the vibes from different people, I subconsciously tried to act and speak in a way to prove myself, that is not me. Slowly, I acted in ways not myself..and hence made myself the awkward kid around.

Argh..I need to learn to be comfortable in my skin. But to embrace myself for who I am is a hard thing to do.

Ah..somehow this ‘confession’ is like opening a can of worms. No stopping to it…

I need to fight these thoughts of insecurities. I need to stop listening to lies about myself. I need to love myself. For all these, I need the grace of God.

+ God gave me talents and gifts. || Lord, help me to discover and be a good steward of them.

+ God made me and gave me a destiny according to His wonderful plan. || Lord, not my will, but Your will be done.

(to be continued..)

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